I wasn’t always strong in this department. I’ll be fully truthful and say I’ve had unenjoyable sex with people I wasn’t attracted to because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. In swinging, this is known as “taking one for the team” and is wildly discouraged. It tends to end the lifestyle experience for many when it becomes a pattern. There is even greater reason to heed this advice as a single woman in the swinging lifestyle—safety and peace of mind. It is always better to err on the side of caution when it comes to personal safety – following your gut about the chemistry you have with new people is paramount. If you can articulate your boundaries clearly and understand everyones comfort zone then you are well on your way to lesson number two.
2. Consent is never implied, it is explicit.
One thing that I love about the Swing community is how easily we talk about sex. We can be having coffee with someone for the first time and get right down to sexual activities, preferences, and experiences in less time than it takes you to introduce your girlfriend to your mom at Thanksgiving. Not always, of course. We aren’t uniform. Because of this we are much more accustomed to identifying sexual activities we do not want to experience, expected treatment, and any rules that may exist between partners. We don’t beat around the bush. We are much more likely to say “so…would you like to get naked and fuck?” than to assume and hope to guide the play towards sex. We aren’t shy about what we want and what we don’t want.
3. Disclosure is your friend!
You better believe it. The one thing that separates us from the dreaded “cheaters”, (“us” meaning those who live non-monogamously with the consent and understanding of our partners) is the honesty between partners and playmates. Many of us live without secrets, always fully disclosing our relationships and sexual play with our partner(s). Naturally, there are also those who live non-monogamously without the consent of their partner, but they are few and far between. As a single woman, I will occasional play with a married man without the presence of his wife (known as “couples who play apart”). On these occasions, I have always communicated with and received consent from the spouse of the play partner. In the swing world, this is very normal. In the world of monogamy and traditional marriages, this type of candor does not happen.
4. Swingers are a cross-section of society.
That is to say, we aren’t all open minded. We aren’t all sexy vixens. We aren’t all in sync with each others beliefs. We come in all shapes, sizes and political perspectives. Some are drum banging, liberal, free-spirits and others are homophobic grumps. Despite our varied perspectives, we are the masters at gauging chemistry and when we have a match, you better believe we will all know it!
5. In the worlds of sport fucking, swinging and general Hedonism, it’s good to be a woman.
I cannot think of any other subculture where women yield such power and choice, as they do in the swinging lifestyle. Because of this they are much more frequently “the bait” on swinger social sites, where women’s photos outnumber the men’s by a long shot. Similarly, single women may attend any club, pay the lowest (if any) entry fees and are frequently wooed to attend parties. Single men, and single-play men, struggle a great deal to overcome the stereotype of the lurking single jerker, (which do exist, just to complicate matters). They face an uphill battle when it comes to distinguishing themselves as members of the community and frequently leave long before the process has taken hold. A single woman arrives on scene with an inbox full of opportunities and enticements. This isn’t always a positive. To be seen as currency by some suggests an awkward imbalance.
Men are still the privileged party in politics, the workforce, business and wealth accumulation , but in the world of NSA fuckery—women are the currency and sometimes the bankers. I can’t deny there are some bitter attitudes about this. The swing world is a woman’s oyster!