From Curious to Bifurious: Why it’s good to be the “out” friend.

knee socks

I’m that girl. 

The girl that can turn a vanilla birthday party into a quasi orgy without any warning. 

Now, I have to say right up front, this doesn’t happen because I start hitting on people. It happens because people start hitting on me, and as someone who spends a fair bit of time at sex clubs, I’m quite comfortable hitting back when / if it does. 

Take last night for example. I attend a small party (20-30 people I would guess). The birthday girl and many guests are former coworkers. Some are new workers who came after I left. One, in particular, is an adorable, spunky, intoxicated (and a little intoxicating in her forwardness) female. This time it happens almost as soon as I walk in the door. A woman friend is introducing me to some people, and she bounces over in a baby doll romper dress, knee socks and a beanie cap. 

I’m not making that up. 

She extends her hand and interrupts the conversation to give me her name. As I take her hand I turn to look directly at her. I can see she is sizing me up. Not in the competitive way that women do, more in a predatory, but polite way. 

I tell her it’s nice to meet her. 

She feels the same. 

She has made no effort to take back her hand and we stand there, palms touching. After a moment she skips back to the conversation she had left just a few moments before. I watch her go. I also remind myself this isn’t a sex club and these are not swingers. However they also aren’t a prudish crowd. Quite the opposite. This group has a history of drunken shenanigans. Pictures have circulated. People get naked. (The difference is all the pent up heteronormative  energy doesn’t collide. We fuck. They fight).

My woman friend looks at me as she leaves “that was exactly what you think it was”. 

I start to laugh and ask “what do I think it was?” She says “she was totally checking you out. It’s been known to happen.” 

“She switch hits?”


The knee socks are now perched across the room and she finds my gaze. I stare back, a little bold. She smiles and averts her eyes after a moment. My lady friend witnesses this, and I Feel her move in a little closer. I am well aware that she has an appreciation for the ladies, but it isn’t common knowledge. She’s not open about it, except of course with her husband. I also see him, watching her, watching me. He knows her cues. He can see that my presence is loosening her discretion as it sometimes does. It is fairly common when we socialize together for her inner bi tendencies to become known. She isn’t a playmate. She’s a dear friend. But she comes on to me often when drinking, and we have kissed on a few occasions. Rather innocently. 

Woman friend has indicated a desire to take sexy pics with me. I suspect it is an initiatory tactic, bringing us relaxed and close together….cheek to cheek. We are there to celebrate the birthday of a girl whom I have known since our first meeting, had attractions to women. I don’t know if she knows, but I knew. I understand her curious body language. It was once my own. On previous outings she has gotten quite close to openly discussing it….but not quite. I, on the other hand, freely discuss my partners, male and female (although not by name or detail per se). She knows I sport fuck.  She knows I’m attracted to “everybody”, or rather capable of it. She knows that sex with women, with and without the presence of men, is fairly normal for me. As Woman Friend calls on a fellow guest to “take a sexy picture of us” the birthday girl suddenly appears. We all lean in -cheeks, bodies and bosoms together….just a little closer…..a few poses….smiles….tongues are out now….aaaand it’s a three way kiss. Initiated by the tipsy  straight birthday girl. Cameras are going. And suddenly, there it is.  That electricity you feel in the air at a club….that shock and ‘sexy as fuck’ factor that suddenly ignites from the freedom to act primal and aroused…there it is, loose in a suburban kitchen. An electric charge fills the air. A few heads turn from the adjoining dining room. Now that it has finally happened, the birthday girl steps forward and kisses me full on. With intent. We giggle as I walk away and perch myself on the stairs. I put on my boots and grab my cigarette pack and lighter. 

Immediately the knee socks have returned. They are kneeling before me, looking up into my face, asking to join me. We step outside. She is short, feisty, and full of liquid courage. She stands staring directly up into my eyes for a moment. She says “sooooo….”

I hand her a cigarette and a lighter. 

She stops short of putting the cigarette between her lips. She stares at me again. She says “Are we gonna do this?”

I answer “which part?”

She giggles. 

“Kiss?” She says with a coy tilt of the head. 

I smile and ask “are you sure? Like, you won’t wake up tomorrow panicked and feeling silly?”

“kiss me ” she whispers. 

I step forward and place my hand gently on the back of her head and guide her enthusiastically to my lips. 

We embrace. 

Her hands graze the outline of my breast. Two other smokers exit the house. We continue to kiss until finally stopping to grin at each other. 

I have been at the party less than one hour. I have made out with three “mostly straight”, uninhibited ladies and I have one who has made it clear she would like to take it a step further. With haste. 

So what is that? 

As a swinger, am I giving off some crazy fuck vibes that cause other people to act on hidden impulses, especially when on the way to white girl wasted ? Is my Scorpio energy so strong that I’m turning people into perverts just by being close to them? Well, that’d be cute. A nice little stroke to my perverted ego…but alas, I have a different theory. I believe the reason this happens is because I am “out” with this group of peers. I didn’t have a friend like me in my social circle when I was a teenager but I’ve often wondered, if I had, how my process of self-acceptance may have been accelerated. I spent a lot of time actively blocking and refuting attractions to women. Even though as a young girl, I had done a lot of experimenting with a female playmate. Like, a LOT. I spent many years telling myself it didn’t define me and “didn’t mean anything”. Flash forward to today, I range from tastefully discrete to flamboyantly out depending on the comfort zone of the crowd. If you are actually my friend though? If you ask for my friendship? I will be out. I’m not into facades. To borrow a cheap slogan “I put my best price on the window”. I am who I am. Don’t hang with me if it makes you uncomfortable. The reality is that people are curious. I make it known I don’t mind talking about it. I don’t  mind answering the questions everyone once had (“Will I know what to do once I get down there?” For example). And this lowers ones guard a little. Not because I talk “dirty” but because I talk openly, and positively, with almost no giggling. So as it happens, when people who “know about me” hear Im coming, their curiosity is peaked. I have seen the “can she somehow tell” curiosity in their eyes before. Here, at this vanilla gathering, all shields are down. Tongues are touching all over the place. Girls are kissing girls all over the place. Before it would end I would find myself in the bathroom with a pair of knee socks wrapped around my ears. In the swinger world, I don’t  do this. I’m not a ‘DTF with strangers’ girl by any accounts. Here in this moment, as a sexy woman begs me to lick her pussy while she grabs at the back of my neck, I succumb to the moment and lick her deeply. She lets out a loud moan and almost instantly she is wet. I am not gentle with her. I nibble and suck furiously as she pulls at my hair and clutches the sides of my head with her thighs. Her ankles lock behind me and I am instantly compelled to bring her to orgasm, as I thrust a finger deep inside her. 

The moral of the story? Sometimes being out is a very very good thing. Sometimes it opens the door for conversation. Sometimes it helps others deal with their own discomfort about themselves-when they see people being ok with who they are. Sometimes, it means you walk into vanilla parties and the curious and horny start to swirl about like butterflies trapped in the conservatory desperate for someone who has the door code to set them free. I say, unlock every cage. Let fluid sex positivity reign!

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